OBJECTIVE
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS AND CERTIFICATIONS
EDUCATION
University of Super Harvard 2000 Doctorate Toronto, ON
RELEVANT EXPERIENCE
Priya November 2011 – Current
Girlfriend Full-Time Toronto, ON
Megan September 2009 – December 2010
Girlfriend Part-Time Toronto, ON
VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE
Zara November 2010 – Current
Side Chick Part-Time Brampton, ON
- To marry your daughter, or any other female member of your family of similar BMI and facial symmetry
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS AND CERTIFICATIONS
- A sharp goal centered focus aimed at achieving measurable results in both love and affection
- Over 20 years experience in A-U (Aunti-Uncle) communications
- Ability to ignore casual racism and/or homophobia despite agitation
- Can self-promote while simultaneously denigrate and detract from the accomplishments others
- Conflict minimization optimized by strategic head nodding with no regard for personal dignity or self-respect
- Guaranteed heterosexuality demonstrated by consistent relationships with women despite feelings of inner turmoil and moderate self-hatred
- Robust sperm potency and count ensures the prospect of future progeny; sexual style often likened to a “tender jackhammer”
EDUCATION
University of Super Harvard 2000 Doctorate Toronto, ON
- Ph.D: Engineering doctor accountancy
- Received at age 14
- Also, I built that thing that keeps Tony Stark alive
RELEVANT EXPERIENCE
Priya November 2011 – Current
Girlfriend Full-Time Toronto, ON
- Performed an average of 10 thoughtful interactions (compliments, dinner, hand-holding) in a 4 hour shift(date)
- Bestowed gifts— exceeding fifty dollars in monetary value —on all major holidays accompanied with appropriate levels of affection(second base and under)
- Promoted from seasonal friend to permanent full-time boyfriend
- Awarded sexual favours for commitment and dedication
Megan September 2009 – December 2010
Girlfriend Part-Time Toronto, ON
- Authored non-obligatory letters of affection embellishing positive physical and mental characteristics
- Extended extreme amounts of tolerance towards friends and family alike despite intellectual ineptitudes and social retardation
- Increased social standing while simultanously quashing rumors of same-sex relations and persistent celibacy
VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE
Zara November 2010 – Current
Side Chick Part-Time Brampton, ON
- Received numerous sexual favours with limited investments of emotional or financial income
- Consistent peer recognition represented through tactile “high-five” allotments
Urine Sample Available Upon Request
*recent photo enclosed
*recent photo enclosed